once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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