i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
