I got chris browned last night
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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