when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
