i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
