Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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