god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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