i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
