Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
