No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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