Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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