Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
