My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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