Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
