can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
