i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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