That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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