so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
