i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
