handjob tips. give me some.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
