I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
