he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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