I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
