so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she peed on how many people?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
