I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
