id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
