i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now