you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around