her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
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Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?