very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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