Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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