I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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