I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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