if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
