Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
