I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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