brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
