Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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