dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
