Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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