tell your sister to shave her snatch
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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