I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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