My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
