after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
