We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
