When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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