All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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