I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
