never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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