Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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