I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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