I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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