I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
