I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
