Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize