we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
