i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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