sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
