Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
