you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
