Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
