How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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