trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
