you guys were way drunker than both of me
she looked like the before picture.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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