Tell her she can't have a vagina
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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