Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
