A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
