Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
