giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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