Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it was like eating out sand paper
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
