Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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