Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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