she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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