If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
