Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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