Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
