I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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