i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
