Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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